PhD, Alone

I'm at the stage where I'm just awaiting my viva. But it has been so much harder than it needed to be to get to this point. I have spent much of my PhD feeling that my supervisors think that I'm stupid. There were some brutal times. I'm lucky that my family were supportive, but ultimately, it was me who was going through it and that is very isolating.

Alone. A PhD in one word. After 15 years of working clinically in a fast-paced environment, the idea of quiet, space, and time alone felt like a precious gem. However, six years on many periods of feeling alone have come and gone - Covid-19, infertility, IVF, maternity leave all whilst stopping and restarting the PhD. The most lonely one of all, the Phd. Talking about it doesn't help as no one understands it in its entirety, despite well meaning listeners.

Like waves, it shifts—sometimes true, dark loneliness, other times just the quiet of sitting alone at a desk, facing this mammoth task. This task we agree to, in hope of two letters and a chance at contributing to the world, possibly naïve to begin with, where the thought of loneliness didn't occur.

However, as I approach the end, I suspect like everything else - the reflection on loneliness wont be the primary focus. Rather, something endured in exchange for the satisfaction of completion and hopefully achievement.

To fellow and future PhDers: Shall we stand alone, together?

I was accepted to my doctoral program twenty-four hours after my husband suddenly died. I couldn't believe my joy in being accepted, but at the same time I was in shock (and still am) following my husband's unexpected death. My world fell entirely upon my shoulders, much the same as a PhD. There was a child to care for and so many things to sort out, including a new wave of loneliness and worry. The worry spilled over throughout the first (unproductive) months of my PhD when confusion was at a maximum and focus was minimal. Over time, I learned to navigate the PhD process, still feeling like an imposter suspended in an unknown world, but friends (including new friends I made during the PhD process) offered me so much support. The one thing no one could take away was the feeling of being alone in the midst of such a huge project. Life now has become a balancing act between feeling hopeful that all will work out versus still feeling inadequate. Aloneness is much like coping with a loss. It's always there, but over time you get used to it and even learn to appreciate it.

I went to my first overseas conference and actually contacted my supervisor to ask about the cost implications if I came home before I attended. I have never felt such aloneness and with it came guilt, anxiety and shame. This was an opportunity for me and all I wanted to do was go home. I even considered given up my whole study because of this one experience. The good news, I stayed, presented and it was great.

My own story with PhD loneliness started in 2019, when I began my journey as an external, part-time PhD researcher at Ghent University while balancing full-time work and motherhood in my home country.

After over 15 years of professional experience, I began my PhD journey feeling confident in my ability to connect and collaborate with colleagues and supervisors from around the world. Professionally, I thrive in diverse, international environments. Yet, despite this, I’ve often felt profoundly lonely in my academic life. I’ve shared this with supervisors and colleagues, but nothing ever seemed to change. I’ve attended conferences where I felt like a ghost—doing my best to introduce myself and engage in meaningful conversations, yet somehow remaining invisible.

I tried reaching out to colleagues at Ghent, mostly without success. It wasn’t until I found one generous colleague who offered to mentor me that something shifted. That connection was a lifeline—it reminded me I was still human, that I wasn’t the problem. It validated the quiet struggle I had been enduring and made me feel seen. This doesn't mean that I'm not thinking of quitting my studies or at least taking a break before deciding how to approach my studies and research best. The long period of isolation had already taken its toll—it slowly drained the meaning, purpose, and excitement I once felt for my studies.

I wonder sometimes if this issue with isolation and loneliness is so widespread because universities still lack the broader kinds of support PhD students truly need—support beyond academic guidance. If the obstacles are so well known, why aren’t institutions doing more to address or fix them?

I'm a full-time teacher who runs a department, working in a 6 day a week school, and completing my PhD part time (4 years left!). Other teachers around me aren't completing PhDs and my supervisors struggle to understand the nature of my school (6x a week and I live in a boarding house looking after 100 girls overnight/weekends). My 6 days of teaching quickly turns into 7 days of teaching and pastoral care, but my supervisors seem to think I can read a journal in a 30 minute break...
I'm often discouraged from applying for internal roles because I'm 'too busy' yet I struggle to find the time to complete any work for my PhD.
I passed my interim Viva, my supervisors are pleased with my progress, but I feel like a fraud - I complete my assignments and work in the few days before meetings when term ends. I have nobody to talk to about this, and it's a constant state of frustration, imposter syndrome and exhaustion.

I feel so lonely that and I tend to be a little desperate sometimes - right now, I m struggling with my girlfriend as I feel like she don't know anything about what I m going through right now, she is just like: "Please take better care of yourself, you seem to be burning out. Why don't you meditate more"

This does not help at all. I do know myself, that I m not in my best state right now. Btw: I m not affiliated at university so I have to work for a living. So, for me it seems there is no way but going to and over my limits, so I can bring this to an end as soon as possible.

This is my dream, my baby, but I can't live like this any longer, I gotta push through. I need reel support, like cooking a meal once in a while, taking care of the household or maybe just listening. All I get is advice on how I can handle it she got from some mental health influencer on Tik Tok. I feel judged for the way I handle it, which is basically to work as hard as possible.

Honestly, the situation makes me feel so isolated in my relationship. That's something I struggle with a lot, as I m approaching the final stage, I feel like I m very vulnerable.At the same time I feel like the only person I can really count on is me! I d love so much to have someone taking something of my back, and taking care of me or just listening. I d love to have someone who understands that, even though I love science, this is a tough phase right know!!!

The PhD is a very lonely process indeed—especially when you're dealing with a multitude of data that needs to be processed. The time spent running analyses is often long and cumbersome. I go to my office daily, and many weekends are spent there too, working long hours to get my data analysed.

Often, I’ve noticed how much time I spend there, as people come and go, carrying out their daily tasks that seem so straightforward in comparison. Maybe they’re not—but it certainly feels that way sometimes.Day by day, I'm getting closer to my goal.

Dr. Max Lemprière’s Friday reminders have been absolutely phenomenal—they feel like a virtual pat on the shoulder. They remind you that this journey, while deeply personal and often isolating, is one many of us are navigating. Knowing others face similar struggles makes it all feel a bit more normal.

Thank you for holding space for reflections like this. It’s truly cathartic.

My lab group has been a great support network during the early stages of my PhD, but now all the members have finished their research and we have no new students or postdocs coming in.

I'm either on my own in the office on a satellite campus or working alone from home, which is very isolating and my mental health has suffered.

I've also found that my friends outside my PhD have stopped inviting me to social events as they think I'm too busy writing up - but in reality I crave the opportunity to talk about other things with people who aren't involved in my research!

This experience has solidified my decision to look for a career outside academia, and in particular a role where I will not be working alone so much.

I can actually live with being alone in more than one phase of the PhD. It is an intimate job and your supervisor can only go that far in your head. It is an experience to get out of your comfort zone and to grow up being comfortable with the uncomfortable.

The solitude in the PhD is nothing compared with the homo homini lupus situation as soon as we get out there. Just before submitting my thesis for the viva, I asked in my department if there was a tenure track position of what were the plans for some soon-to-be PhD in the team. They said that they had no control over whom to hire or when to hire for that matter. That I could keep being a part-time lecturer (I have been already a lecturer for a couple of years now) and earn some money so that in the rest of the (spare) time, I should do research and publish. That I had to gain from the affiliation to the university, it was a win-win.

I am tempted to think that this is just a local situation, that it is a small department and they still want to grow before admitting new people, and that growing goes through obtaining more with less resources.

But I can´t help feeling that I am wasting my time here and yes, alone in the sense that I have nobody I could count on.

I am a part time PhD student. I feel completely alone in my world with the literature. There is no one to turn to. The supervisor is here but there is not much support. For me, the PhD is a lonely process, it's only me and my laptop.